It's really funny how life changes in a heartbeat.

I said I love you and he totally rejected me. I was torn with pain and sadness. I thought I would fall into the pitfalls of darkness and be unable to rise again.

But then, someone else came along. He sort of started picking up the pieces for me slowly. I really like him and he's the sweetest guy I've met in the longest of time. So, maybe all good things do come in good time.

I just hope I won't get hurt again...

I love him more than myself. I love him so much that it's hard to breathe. I can't tell him. He'll leave me. In the end, they all leave...

There's a sense of urgency for him that leaves me breathless. I want him more than anyone I've ever wanted. I picture my world and he is always there. I can't imagine not talking to him even for a day. I love his voice. I love his eyes. I love his brilliance, wit, charm, and no one has ever looked at me the way he does. He doesn't look at me like he's hungry. He looks at ME! I feel like telling him not to stand or come so close to me. I end up losing myself into him more and more with every look, touch, word!

But I can't have him more than the capacity that he has allowed...

And I hurt more than I can tell anyone. I cry myself to sleep every night. I see him in every tragic hero. I can't get him out of my head!!!

I WANT OUT! I don't want to hurt anymore...

Threatening the life it belongs to."


So life is a complicated wheelbarrow spinning furiously out of control. I thought if I dated other guys, I'd fall out of love with him. I realized I was wrong. Then, I thought if I just waited for him, then he'd eventually choose me to love. I realized that I was a fool. So, I'm not sure what my options are now. I'm madly in love with one guy who completely is everything I want but I can't have him because he has too many responsibilities and doesn't want a girlfriend right now to add to the pressure. But I want him as a boyfriend. How do I reconcile with the fact that I'm in love with someone I cannot have and there's another guy who wants me but I can't stop thinking about the one I want? It's complicated. Enough said.

I am about to do the very thing I swore I'd never do and though I know it's wrong, I will do it anyway...

I love how just when everything seems to go really well, I get hit with a series of unfortunate events.

First, I get told that as great as I am, I cannot be with the guy I want to be with because it's not the "right time." I hate that. I never really bought the whole "wrong timing" idea. My philosophy was always "I don't believe in bad timing. I believe in bad people."

Second, my school's student activities department decides to throw a bitch fit at my club.

Third, I have these vivid dreams that leave me exhausted in the morning instead of well-rested. So much for trying to go to bed early this week.

Fourth, my hearing aid shatters into a million pieces so now, I might have to pay $1000+ for a new one.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!! (this is a sarcastic statement for those of you who were not sure.)

Can't guys just tell you what they're thinking instead of playing games with our minds? Grr.

I'm happier :) than I have been in months and I hope this feeling never ends...

Here's a new poem:

You kissed the very breath away from me, I once possessed.
My heart has broken time and time again yet,
You walk into the barriers locking most out.
You entreat yourself to my endless chatter and,
You touch me like you know every curve as every street.
You enter crossroads that make me tingle with delight.
You pass stop signs with my easy acceptance.
You yield to my breathless cries for more.
I know no boundary with your steady hands and,
Know no end to your delectable lips.
I do not know what it is about you that soothes my beating heart,
But I know I want no discontinuation.

So, I haven't made an entry in a bazillion years now so what the hell, here goes:

After 2 years and four months of what I thought was a successful relationship with the intent of marriage, it ended quite abruptly. Who the hell tells the woman they plan to marry: "I may love you today but I don't know if I'll love you tomorrow."? I think that was my hint that things were terribly wrong if the constant fighting in the last four months weren't enough of a hint. So it's been over for two weeks. At first, I cried and was terribly upset but now after two weeks, I feel kinda relieved not to have to deal with a guy who doesn't really love me and who's mother is so controlling that he's dictated by her opinions over anyone else including himself. Plus, now that I'm single, I'm suddenly seeing someone else in a different light. There's a big brave world out there that's worth exploring, after all...

Long time no post! I'm having an ok summer. My year was a bit of a handful. Lots of drama, losing friends, gaining friends, and reaching my one year mark with my boyfriend. I am hopefully starting a new job soon and I'm starting a brand new book now. So far it about vampires. I don't know much from there. I'm going with the flow.

Also, I'm SUPER excited about the new movie Twilight coming on Dec. 12, 2008!!! YAY. Hence the new profile pic :-P !

I began to realize that everything I knew about my world is beginning to disintegrate and new things are arising. I'm not sure as of now whether its a good thing or not. I've spent my whole life searching for the truth beneath hidden secrets and a web of lies. I thought after enough of such that I would find the truth and the empty space in my life would be filled. I know now what I did not before and I know now that the thing that I was looking for to fill my life was in front of me all along. I find my truth in the people that I love and that love me the most. Some things that we think are lost are just temporarily hidden from our view but in the end, they will always be found... I just need to start thinking about what good things lie ahead.

So that’s right folks! Only 11 days till the love of my life and I reunite once again. I’m totally excited and can’t wait! I love him sooooo much. I’m planning on taking him around my area. A walk in park maybe... Plus, bowling with my friends. Then, seeing Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer with him alone. Plus, he’s getting to meet my parents and grandma in person for the first time ever! I don’t know if I should be excited or terrified. :/ I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn bored today! I’m going on a major job search this week! I need something to do to get me out of my pathetic, sad, lonely, bored funk. Plus, my grandma is starting to suffocate me with the constant nagging nagging nagging nagging!!!! I’m glad only that I managed to talk to my boyfriend on web cam and online!!! :) tho my internet fucked up on me and signed me off prematurely :( Oh well, I’ll talk to him later and update later!

I had the most fabulous weekend of my life with Matt and now, he's coming to visit me in 2 weeks. Yay!!!! Saw pirates 3 and it was fantastic tho the ending could've been slightly better!

So the boyfriend decided he wanted to take me to see Shrek 3. Well, I've already seen it. He's already seen it. I guess the rest is obvious hehe *kissy* lol. I can't wait for six more days to pass!!!!! I miss him sooooooo much and I loveeeee him!!! weee! oh and i went shopping for clothes and books on friday. those are two things you can never have enough of!!! anyway, gotta go!

I can't believe it. Today has been quite amazing. Two nights ago in the dead of night, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter basically professing my LOVE for hi which is when I really knew for sure that I was in love with him. How did I know? Let's just say love knows no bounds or time. It's been fast but it's an amazing romance and I really do love him more than I thought I could. I AM truly HAPPY! Today, I read my boyfriend the letter and he confessed that he's felt the exact same way about me. He was only afraid to admit it for fear of scaring me away since I was kind of commitment afraid. Still am at times but LOVE OVERRULES ALL!!! Love conquers all! PEOPLE, I AM IN LOVE WITH MATT!!!!!!!! and it's the most awesome feeling in the world. I just wished a certain friend of mine would be happy for me :/ like my other friends. I know there's always a risk to get hurt but you can't feel the good without the bad! I AM IN LOVEEEEEEEE!!!!

OMG OMG OMG 10 days till im reunited with my boyfriend.... im soooo excited and still nervous. Plus, I've just discovered something... I'M IN LOVE!!!!

That's right folks. I LOVE MATT!!! I just hope I don't let it slip too soon before he's ready :/

lol anyway, so I haven't been on LJ in ages. many reasons for that:

1) Started college... which was awesome. lots of work, new friends, and some rocky group situations but it's taught me a lot of lessons and has totally changed me profoundly in every way possible.

2) Started a job... at my college as a tour guide/office assistant. boring ass work which is why im gonna try getting a new one! hopefully *keeps fingers crossed*

3) Got a boyfriend... very recently but totally in wuv with him. He's adorably cute and such a romantic. I could totally fall in love... one day. Not now tho. He and I are moving nicely. We go to the same college but live in different states for the summer which is why he invited me down to his place and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! even tho im gonna with my overprotective parental units and staying at hotel other than when im hanging with him!!!! yay!!!!!!

so people comment or not!

ttyl,
Di

I am officially a college student and loving every second of it! My classes are great, my prof. are good, and COLLEGE BOYS walking around in towels. weeee! lol anyway, things are good and i am happy. so ttyl. o btw, i did finish my book and am planning a sequel now! woof